


I Just Wanna Be Yours

by cavlarycaptain



Series: satisfaction seems like a distant memory [2]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-29 14:18:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19402042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cavlarycaptain/pseuds/cavlarycaptain
Summary: He sat there, knowing what Steve wanted to hear, and knowing that he couldn’t give that to him. “I can’t love you Steve,” he said, searching his pants pocket for a cigarette, “Not the way you want me to.”





	I Just Wanna Be Yours

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a partner fic to Are You Mine? but it's from Billy's point of view. I don't necessarily think you need to read the first part of this series, but it will probably help a lot, not just with the storytelling but also with the formatting. I hope you enjoy :) 
> 
> Title taken from Arctic Monkeys' "I Wanna Be Yours"

Liquid courage is one part confidence and three parts whiskey. That’s what Billy Hargrove told Johnny that fateful night he met Steve Harrington. He didn’t know what it was about the guy, but Billy knew he had to have him. Billy approached Steve, told him what he wanted and the next thing he knew they were laying on his bed. Sure, his mind was a bit muddled, but in the moment, Billy didn’t regret it.

Until he woke up the next morning, realized Steve was still in his bed, and the reality of the situation of what he had done started to set in. He pretended to fall back asleep, waited for Steve’s departure, and was then left with his own thoughts. He decided to rid himself of them before they could consume him; it was nothing but a one time thing anyways. 

Except it wasn’t.

Steve Harrington slowly started to become a permanent fixture of Billy’s night life. Billy lied to himself, night after night, telling himself that this didn’t mean anything to him. It couldn’t mean anything to him. 

Billy did what he thought was best and repressed what he was feeling. He thought nothing of it, the feelings were soon to be fleeting, just like Steve was every morning following their late night rendezvous.

When he ran into Steve during the middle of the day, he realized those feelings were, in fact, here to stay.

Billy told Steve about how he was an English major, going against his father’s wishes. He loved the words of Capote, Ginsburg, Hemingway and Fitzgerald. Oh, how Billy loved the writings ofF. Scott Fitzgerald.

Billy showed Steve his copy of _The Great Gatsby_ , pages worn and spine everything but broken from the amount of times he had read it. “A lost love story,” Billy told Steve, “is the best love story, after all.” 

Billy learned that Steve Harrington was a film major, and an invested one at that. He loved the directing style of Hitchcock, the risky nature of Kubrick, and the normalcy of Orson Welles’ approach to fame. James Dean, though. There was something special about James Dean.

James Dean had a special place in Steve’s heart. Steve didn’t know what it was, but there was something about the boy with the sad blue eyes that had lived a life filled with untapped potential, and a string of lovers that were followed by unspoken heartbreak.

Billy looked at the way Steve talked about film, about his passion; the way he smiled as he talked about Strangers on a Train and Citizen Kane. It was a smile that Billy didn’t normally see, a smile that was hidden in the dark of night that was outside his room while he was intimate with Steve. He couldn’t get Steve’s smile off of his mind.

Billy was in trouble and he knew it. 

The night that Steve told Billy he loved him, Billy didn’t know what to do. Billy Hargrove doesn’t fall in love, especially with people he’s been told he shouldn’t be in love with. He sat there, knowing what Steve wanted to hear, and knowing that he couldn’t give that to him. “I can’t love you Steve,” he said, searching his pants pocket for a cigarette, “Not the way you want me to.”

Life with Neil was already hard enough, and he couldn’t begin to imagine how things would turn out if he found out Billy was gay, a “faggot”, as Neil once called him. Billy told Steve his dad didn’t know he was gay and he intended to keep it that way. Steve said he understood and, of course he did, because Steve understood Billy.

One night, however, something changer within him. Billy was running his fingers through Steve’s hair, looking into Steve’s wide brown eyes, and said, “I think I’m ready to love you too.”

He doesn’t know what it was that did it, but the next thing he knew, he was sobbing into’s Steve’s shoulder; Steve comforted him telling him it was all going to be okay. Billy wasn’t so sure that it was, but in that moment he wanted to believe it.

Winter break came, but they didn’t let that stop them from contacting each other. Contact between them started to wain, however, when his dad decided to introduce him to Roxanne, a lovely girl who went to State with him and probably wouldn’t say no if he asked her out, at least, that’s what Neil had told him. Billy called Steve after his first date with Roxanne, told him that she was a smart and sweet, bright eyed girl who was so happy to give them a chance, but, Billy didn’t want to.

Roxanne wasn’t Steve.

Neil was standing in front of him, but Billy was staring right through him; looking at his own reflection in his bedroom mirror, the purple coloring around his eye standing out in contrast to his skin.

“I expect this to be the last time we talk about this.” Neil had said, but he knew not to wait for a response from Billy. He walked out of Billy’s room, leaving Billy alone with his thoughts. Billy looked at the time, noticed it was around the time he called Steve. He picked up his phone, and dialed a number.

Roxanne picked up on the first ring.

Spring semester had started and Billy had tried his hardest to push the thought of Steve Harrington to the darkest corners of his mind. He thought he might try to make this whole thing with Roxanne work, but like Billy told Steve, she was smart. She knew how this was destined to end.

“Unrequited love is almost as heartbreaking as lost love”, she told Billy while looking over the cover of _The Sun Also Rises_ by Ernest Hemingway _._ She was a girl after his own heart after all.

Billy told Johnny and the boys that he got mugged walking home from the grocery store a couple of days before the spring semester started. He saw Steve walk by him as he carried on with his lie, and noticed Steve sneak a glance at his copy of _The Great Gatsby_ that was clutched tightly in his hand.

Spring semester meant that parties started once again and when Billy saw Steve Harrington stood in the corner of the room, he decided to approach him. He not only wanted to move Steve out of the corners of this room, but also the corners of his mind, even if it was just for that one night. 

Billy was woken up by the ringing of a cell phone. He shuffled through the clothes thrown on the floor, looking for the culprit. Roxanne’s was and Billy let out a sigh.

“Hey babe.” Billy answered, flinching slightly, knowing he used to reserve that nickname strictly for Steve. She said she was worried about him, concerned because he didn’t stop by her place the night before like he had promised he would. Billy knew she wasn’t concerned about where he wasn’t, but where he was.

He explained to her that he had too much to drink, but he was on his way now. “Love you too.” He said, hanging up on her. He lingered in the doorway, staring at Steve as he slept, knowing Steve’s heard everything but Billy chose to leave before the heartache could sustain itself any further.

He leaned against the door once it closed behind him. He tried his best to convince himself that this was just like the first time, acting as if nothing happened, it was one time thing. Billy knewthat he couldn’t though, at the end of the day, he just wanted to be Steve’s.

**Author's Note:**

> I promise, one day, my one shots will not just be a collection of angst riddled passages. Please let me know what you think; you're feedback, as always, is greatly appreciated. 
> 
> If you are interested in something a little more on the lighter side, I'm writing a chapter Harringrove that takes place in the 1960s and it's a lot more fun and it's called Where Angels Fear to Tread. It's filled with Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra and a lot of '60s slang and should be updated within the next couple of days


End file.
